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My mom and her boyfriend are arguing. They are arguing all the time. And when they're not my mom tells me everything and then I'm the bad person in their fight because I'm against him. But how could I not be?

This is a really bad time for me and I need God to be with me. I need Him to be right next to me. I pray a lot but I think He wants me to go through this all alone. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just not good at hearing His voice. That's what I'm trying to learn recently. But I'm not good at it. And maybe that's why I'm so confused recently. I cannot hear Him. What's wrong? What do I do wrong? Why cannot I her His voice? I truely do want to!

My mom doesn't care about me and I feel lonely. She seems to not even love me. I know. You're reading this and thinking if I'm serious. But I am. She's rather with her boyfriend than with me. She doesn't talk to me. And when she does, we talk about her problems. I need a real Mommy. I need a real Daddy. I can't be an adult if I really haven't had any childhood. Or can I?

Is crying in this situation OK? Because if not maybe I should learn to be ok with not being ok. I've just never cried before because I would think my mom doesn't love me. This is a whole new thing for me. And I hate experiencing this.

HOW CAN I MAKE THIS STOP?